White curtains. White walls. White gowns and white light breaking through my windows on this beautiful May morning. The end is near.

The doctor said I only had a couple of weeks to live. The disease has taken over my body, and I am weak. Getting out of bed is a near impossibility, especially on Monday mornings. Getting dressed is backbreaking, so I take the easy way out and pull on some leggings and a sweatshirt. Getting my mind off my misery is . . . well, it doesn’t happen. This sickness – senioritis – is my life.

I keep looking for someone to blame, but I keep coming to the conclusion that I am my own depressor. I did this to me. I’ve chosen this negative attitude and distaste for school activities that require effort. The symptoms came to me, and I let them in. With open arms.

But despite the misery of it all, I believe that I am ready to go. I’ve been awaiting this time. I’ve been taught well, and I’ve glimpsed the life that awaits me on the other side. There’s a nice library there, and a really nice weight room, and there are mountains surrounding me on every side. Paradise.

Don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed this life, especially the people I have met and grown to love. Friends who tolerated my every complaint, English teachers who understood me when I went into English geek mode, coaches who made my day by telling me they were proud of what I’d done, teammates who cheered me on, administrators who nodded a hello to me in the morning, newspaper reporters who shut up when I raised my voice and still seemed to respect me, bandmates that made me laugh so hard I couldn’t play my flute . . . yeah, I could keep going with this.

In short, I’ve loved this life. But I’m done with it.

Of course, I have my fears. Who doesn’t? The future holds many ifs. There is no certainty in it, and that is scary, but I do believe that there is good on the other side. One day we will be kings and queens in our own kingdoms – speaking religiously – and the masses will BOW DOW17 to us.

Us?

Yes, um, it seems I’ve failed to mention that my disease isn’t very rare. You see, my entire graduating class has recently been struck with the epidemic, and we are all going to pass on very soon. Sad, but true.

For now, leave me in peace. I just remembered that I have to take a statistics final tomorrow, and I’m starting to get dizzy.  I just want to watch a movie. And nap.

Don’t be surprised if I don’t wake up on June 4.